We are sarcastic. Or are we. en-us/ http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/ Copyright InfiniteSarcasm.com 1996-2006 Editors note: This story was reprinted with permission and was originally discovered here. It should be understood by the reader that this is a humor/satiric website, and we do not verify the accuracy of story submissions. Personally, I have had both very positive and very negative experiences at Circuit City. I will continue to shop there as the mood suits me and applaud this company, if the story is true, for reaching a compromise with this person. Hi all. What follows is my admittedly lengthy account of a terrible experience, actually several terrible experiences, with Circuit City store 700. It is presented to you all as both a warning and a call for change. It is my hope that by posting this here, publicly, as well as in other formats, that the wrong I have experienced can be righted, and that others will not have to endure the madness that I did. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=52 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=52 Thu, 02 Nov 2006 05:01:08 EST Gentle readers…I beg your forgiveness. In the course of my investigative journalism we call ‘The Sesame Beat’ which has taken me around the world from the terrifying heights of Kandahar to the dizzying lows of Mogadishu. I’ve even been to Raytown, Missouri. As you can imagine, in the course of my travels I occasionally stumble upon what we in the journalism biz call a ‘fluff piece’. You know, the kind of pointless information that no one cares about but we’re going to cram down your throat anyway just to fill up air space. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=49 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=49 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 22:01:06 EST Triumph. Remember this guy? He was big in the 90s. Well, ‘big’ is such a subjective term. Let’s just say that if you’ve ever watched Conan O’Brien, this was probably the highlight of your evening. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=48 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=48 Tue, 06 Dec 2005 20:02:03 EST Longtime readers here at www.Infinitesarcasm.com know of my lifelong struggle against injustice and tyranny. But how many of you remember where that passion comes from? Friends and loyal readers, what I share with you today has only been shared with you one other time...before my autobiography was mysteriously deleted. I speak of my long lost twin sister, Gabby. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=47 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=47 Tue, 06 Dec 2005 12:02:02 EST The Internet has transformed our lives into a meaningless cup of slushy. Not the good slushy that is sweet and freely flows through a straw. Instead it is a slushy that you left in the freezer overnight and now is a block of ice with a bit of unfrozen syrup at the bottom; you then let thaw until it tastes like watered down Kool-aide mixed with Tylenol. A tremendous amount of focus group studies and market research have helped in decision-making processes. So it is with great pleasure that I announce that I am unanimous in the decision to implement the following three step plan for a more efficient Internet. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=46 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=46 Tue, 06 Dec 2005 05:01:05 EST As part of the renewed effort to rebrand, raise awareness, grow the brand, and brand the word Infinite Sarcasm on everyone's forehead, Infinite Sarcasm proudly announces today that a deal has been reached with http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=45 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=45 Mon, 05 Dec 2005 19:01:07 EST We, at infinitesarcasm.com, are proud to announce the next step in our hundred phase plan for world domination: Publication. Sure, you haven't seen a new article in over a year. And sure, you feel that this website has turned into a Worst of the Web candidate from lack of caring from the creators. But, you're wrong. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=44 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=44 Sun, 04 Dec 2005 07:01:09 EST Sesame Street, taking a hint from multi-year story arc shows like The X-Files, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and Passions, has announced an epic multi-year story arc focusing on health. Eh. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=43 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=43 Sun, 04 Dec 2005 06:02:00 EST Once upon a time, there was a woman named Martha who though she would get in trouble and told her secretary "erase that phone message that may get me in trouble, and don't tell anyone that I told you to erase it." Shortly thereafter, Martha realized that what she had done was of poor character and corrected the mistake by telling her secretary "Put that message back that I told you to erase." Although Martha had tried to fix the problem, she forgot to tell her secretary not to tell anyone that she had put the message back. So the secretary told and Martha was convicted of obstructing justice to protect her assets as any red-blooded American would. Many would consider this the end of the Martha Stewart tale, but they are just not thinking fourth dimensionally. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=41 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=41 Sun, 04 Dec 2005 02:02:01 EST I never thought, at any point in my life, that I would end up living in the former USSR. That was never in the plans, never in the offing as even a glimmer of a possibility. And yet, here I am, living la vida loca in Kiev, Ukraine. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=39 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=39 Sat, 06 Dec 2003 12:02:00 EST I went out to my mailbox a few months ago to discover junk mail. This is nothing unusual. It is estimated that the average mailbox receives 32 pieces of junk mail a week (this is my estimation). That explodes to over 1500 unneeded letters a year! But I have developed a tough skin and involuntary reflexes that direct the mail from the box to the can in record time: Credit card offer, trash; new siding, trash; 32 CD's for a penny, trash; final notice, trash. I will take a gold if the Olympic committee ever approves this event, but so far, my calls have not been returned. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=38 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=38 Sun, 04 Dec 2005 02:02:01 EST As it stands currently, certain nameless parties, like TheGuy, have been flinging around accusations of laziness and not-holding-up-your-end-of-the-dealness at me like so many monkeys with so many fistfuls of poo. In the past, I have rarely been one to give in to the demands of angry, screeching primates, but I suppose this time I can make an exception and crank out a column. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=37 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=37 Sat, 06 Dec 2003 14:01:01 EST As I write this, an American F-18 has been reported crashed in enemy territory captured during an American war of aggression. Some would say we shouldn't even be involved there. Some would say the cost is too high, no matter how noble our goals may have been when we first went in. Although I once supported the war, I must now join the unwashed masses of those who protested against it in the streets. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=36 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=36 Sat, 06 Dec 2003 12:02:00 EST An unnamed infinite sarcasm author has failed to contribute to this site since the hostile take over two months ago. Due to the short amount of time given to compensate for Mark's irresponsibleness, I am forced to plagiarize from an article that will be posted on this very site 30 years in the future: http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=35 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=35 Sun, 04 Dec 2005 02:02:01 EST A while ago Gabbo produced a handy guide for vacationers considering Cancun, Mexico as a destination. While his information was subsequently updated and expanded upon in "The Real Cancun," his work was groundbreaking for Infinite Sarcasm in the online travel market space. I look back with regret that we didn't use our prowess as a springboard to merge with Hypeline.com or some other suitable candidate. In any case, today represents the long awaited next installment in our travel series: Things To Do in Springfield, Missouri When You're Mostly Dead Inside. http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=34 http://www.infinitesarcasm.com/index.php?story_id=34 Sun, 04 Dec 2005 02:02:01 EST